Freedom.. at least a little bit.

On Tuesday the 21st - almost 3 weeks since the cast came off. The day before Pip turned 11 months. We went for another xray. When the Dr came in and the nurse behind him.. The one that always comes when I flip out on bad news, yeah her.

Anyway, my husband and I exchanged nervous glances as the dr asked how Pip sleeps. Uhhh.. poorly now thanks to all this! She was sleeping all night before 7 months ago! ...Has it really been seven months? Oh man. 7 months ago we got the first bit of "her hips aren't moving the same way on both sides..." 7 months ago we got the referral. 5 months ago we got the news that she'd need surgery to fix this. Almost 5 months ago she had said surgery. Almost a month ago our journey shifted into a less complicated path and the cast came off.. Almost 4 days ago it shifted again..

He asked about her naps and her sleeping times. I told him she is in her bed by 8 and doesn't leave it really until 7am, although she does wake at least twice. Naps are a bit more tricky.. she takes one from 12-2/3 but also sometimes takes one from 830/9-930/10 and 330/4-530.. I'm trying desperately to cut those other two out and have one big one in the middle. He said good. He only wants her in the brace for naps and bedtime.

..wait, what?

My baby who just accomplished rolling over in the brace a few days back, unexpectedly, gets to be a normal baby for her waking hours!? Yay! Wait. What if the hip pops back out? What if this doesn't work and a cast is in our near future again!?

This is where I really need to tell myself to take it one day at a time. I'm full of "what ifs" and I miss the now a lot. So she, my 11 month old preemie, can roll belly to back finally. She tries back to belly but tries to go left and her left leg won't straighten fully yet so she just kinda hangs out on her side, frustrated. She can fit in everything other babies can fit in! And I have the chance to totally rethink her Halloween costume now but I refuse to. Haha. I love my zombie princess idea and by my, I mean our roommates. :)

We go back again 11 days before she turns one. One. Time flies, it really does. BUT. She can have smash cake now without me worrying she would get get cast all yucky or the brace filthy! I love my little miracle.

November is Premature Birth Awareness month.

November is creeping up on me, us, everyone. I'm trying to focus on one thing: Halloween. So I'm trying to push November out of my head. But, I've been asked to have our family be the ambassador family for March of Dimes this year. And since I'm the mother of a preemie now, and our story is something that could very well happen to anyone.. Which I would want to make known so it IS preventable, I accepted. So. Our goal is to raise $500 for March of Dimes. And in order to do this, I also have made a custom nail wrap design through Jamberry Nails, with whom I am an Independent Consultant with.

To purchase these, please contact me here: https://www.facebook.com/CSweeney14

**All commission I make from the sales on this design or any purchase from the website(http://csweeney.jamberrynails.net) towards this fundraiser(March of Dimes Fundraiser) will be donated.If you do not wish to purchase the wraps I created with Jamberry, then please, feel free to just donate! Thank you for your time! Every little bit helps.

Donate or join Team Lainee here: http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?pp=5437767&ct=4&w=6903453&u=csweeney14

Here is our story:

https://www.facebook.com/notes/crystal-sweeney/our-story-refusing-the-flu-shot-2013/10152891898342224

Pity party, table for 1

My days have been consumed with swimming. We were given a huge above ground pool a couple of years ago and just set it up Sunday. So I'm teaching my 3 year old how to swim while Pip sleeps. Each time I get into the pool I want to pout. I want Lainee to experience it too this summer, and she can't. She loved the bath.

Also, my 3 year old is all boy. He has his sweet moments, where he'll grab my face out of the blue and kiss me. But thus kid doesn't want to cuddle and snuggle anymore. And the baby that's meant to do this is in this purple malformation. I just want to snuggle her again. I want her to roll over and sit up on her own. To try to crawl. I want her to get in the pool with us.

I'm so jealous of my friends who have kids a month or two younger/older than Lainee. One, because they don't have to deal with this cast. And two, because they don't have to deal with a preemie. Their kids are hitting milestones. I'm so ready for this cast to be off and my little girl able to do things other than stay in one spot all damn day.

/end pity party

Milestones, shmilestones.

Milestones. What are milestones? Well if you have a kid, or have worked with kids you'd know milestones are the little (and big) things that kids do in a certain timeframe. Smiling, babbling, sitting up etc. But if you're a mom to a preemie, EVERYTHING feels as if it is behind. Depending on how early your lil one was, is how behind they might be. Or they might not be behind at all. Every baby is different.

Now my son, Alek, did lots "early". He held his head up without support at 2 months, walked at 11 months. But he wasn't "talking" before two. He was saying like maybe 6-10 words. Me, comparing him like a horrible mom to the kids at the daycare I work at, was upset. But that day, the day he turned two, he walked up to my brother in law's dog. He pointed at and named nearly every body part on the front of that dog while the hubby and I stood there speechless. From that day on, he hasn't shut up. And he is the typical 3 year old now.

Lainee. Lainee has had great head control from when she was born. My husband told me when he had to do kangaroo care with her when she was 2 lbs 12 oz. He was so freaked out because she kept lifting her tiny little head off of him and holding it there for a while. She was supposed to still be in the womb. Now, when she was 4 months old (1 month adjusted) she started to smile socially. Then the next month she started babbling and giggling when she wanted to. She's 6 months right now and had been chewing on her hands finally. She is attempting to roll over but my heart doesn't want to be fully happy when/if she does in 10 days. She pulls herself into a sitting position from a reclined position in my lap. But, on her tummy, she just lays there. She doesn't really attempt to hold her head up or push up on her arms.

When I see friends with babies born (full term) around when she was doing all this stuff she should be doing for a "normal" 6 month old I get jealous. I get sad. I especially get mad at myself for getting sick and having to have her so early. And now, I wonder just how far "behind" my early girl will get from being immobile for three months.

Another sign of hip dysplasia:

☆Hip Click 

Hip clicks or pops can sometimes suggest hip dysplasia but a snapping sound can occur in normal hips from developing ligaments in and around the hip joint. 

- See more at: http://hipdysplasia.org/developmental-dysplasia-of-the-hip/infant-signs-and-symptoms#sthash.6YfGnSmS.dpuf

About Pip.

Pip, or Lainee, arrived 11 weeks early into this world. She was due February 5th, 2014 but had to come November 22nd, 2013. I had h1n1 and pneumonia, resulting in coding on November 22nd while trying to clean out my lungs and attempting to take me to the OR. So, Lainee was born in my sicu room at 5:06pm, 3.3lbs and not at all a concern. I remained in a coma until December 23rd. But I finally got to see her in January. I got released January 16th and she got released one day before her due date.

I finally decided to go back to work at the start of June. That is until our Dr appointment for her hip changed my plans.

On May 23rd, one day after she turned 6 months, Lainee had a hip xray. I was optimistic that it would be nothing. Or maybe just needing a brace. But when the Dr came in and started talking, my hope flew out the door. Lainee had a dislocated hip. Her left, to be more exact. And surgery is the only option. He kept asking me, like every other Dr I've taken her to, if she was breech when she was born. They stare at me when I tell them I don't know.

So I explain the story for the millionth time, get the "wow you've been through a lot" and sympathetic smile. He tells me, while Lainee is screaming in my arms, about surgery. And a cast. A cast that will have to be from her armpits to her ankles for 3 months. No baths, no rolling over, no trying to move.

I felt the room spin. But we had an answer. And we caught it earlier than most. Not early enough for just a brace, but early enough. I left the Dr with some questions unanswered, but understanding enough.

This past Wednesday, she had an ultrasound on her hips. The tech got her hip to pop in place for a minute! That, gave me hope again. She said the socket is at 58% which is supposedly really close to normal. Again, makes me hopeful that this little girl will only need one surgery. The only thing stopping her hip from staying in the socket is her muscles that have grown to how her hip is dislocated.

So on June 12th she'll go in being able to wiggle, then come out immobile for 3 months. This blog will help serve as my outlet, and maybe help for other moms who have to go through this.