Freedom.. at least a little bit.

On Tuesday the 21st - almost 3 weeks since the cast came off. The day before Pip turned 11 months. We went for another xray. When the Dr came in and the nurse behind him.. The one that always comes when I flip out on bad news, yeah her.

Anyway, my husband and I exchanged nervous glances as the dr asked how Pip sleeps. Uhhh.. poorly now thanks to all this! She was sleeping all night before 7 months ago! ...Has it really been seven months? Oh man. 7 months ago we got the first bit of "her hips aren't moving the same way on both sides..." 7 months ago we got the referral. 5 months ago we got the news that she'd need surgery to fix this. Almost 5 months ago she had said surgery. Almost a month ago our journey shifted into a less complicated path and the cast came off.. Almost 4 days ago it shifted again..

He asked about her naps and her sleeping times. I told him she is in her bed by 8 and doesn't leave it really until 7am, although she does wake at least twice. Naps are a bit more tricky.. she takes one from 12-2/3 but also sometimes takes one from 830/9-930/10 and 330/4-530.. I'm trying desperately to cut those other two out and have one big one in the middle. He said good. He only wants her in the brace for naps and bedtime.

..wait, what?

My baby who just accomplished rolling over in the brace a few days back, unexpectedly, gets to be a normal baby for her waking hours!? Yay! Wait. What if the hip pops back out? What if this doesn't work and a cast is in our near future again!?

This is where I really need to tell myself to take it one day at a time. I'm full of "what ifs" and I miss the now a lot. So she, my 11 month old preemie, can roll belly to back finally. She tries back to belly but tries to go left and her left leg won't straighten fully yet so she just kinda hangs out on her side, frustrated. She can fit in everything other babies can fit in! And I have the chance to totally rethink her Halloween costume now but I refuse to. Haha. I love my zombie princess idea and by my, I mean our roommates. :)

We go back again 11 days before she turns one. One. Time flies, it really does. BUT. She can have smash cake now without me worrying she would get get cast all yucky or the brace filthy! I love my little miracle.

November is Premature Birth Awareness month.

November is creeping up on me, us, everyone. I'm trying to focus on one thing: Halloween. So I'm trying to push November out of my head. But, I've been asked to have our family be the ambassador family for March of Dimes this year. And since I'm the mother of a preemie now, and our story is something that could very well happen to anyone.. Which I would want to make known so it IS preventable, I accepted. So. Our goal is to raise $500 for March of Dimes. And in order to do this, I also have made a custom nail wrap design through Jamberry Nails, with whom I am an Independent Consultant with.

To purchase these, please contact me here: https://www.facebook.com/CSweeney14

**All commission I make from the sales on this design or any purchase from the website(http://csweeney.jamberrynails.net) towards this fundraiser(March of Dimes Fundraiser) will be donated.If you do not wish to purchase the wraps I created with Jamberry, then please, feel free to just donate! Thank you for your time! Every little bit helps.

Donate or join Team Lainee here: http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?pp=5437767&ct=4&w=6903453&u=csweeney14

Here is our story:

https://www.facebook.com/notes/crystal-sweeney/our-story-refusing-the-flu-shot-2013/10152891898342224

Freedom

Last Wednesday the husband, Pip and I made the 45 minute journey to Pensacola for a 4 week cast appointment.  We went to the cast room to wait for our xray. After the xray we waited for the Dr to come in to say 'looks great, see you in x weeks!'

We didn't expect what had happened next... he came in and said "Everything looks great! How about we take the cast off today?" My world went into slow motion. I said get outta here and he started to get up so I started screaming "no!" We all laughed.

He said he wanted to see what the xray showed when manipulating her legs. I asked what would happen after the xray. He said a brace, nothing our another cast. I froze. I told him if they wanted to put another cast on to not take this one off!

I, of course, started crying. Happy tears, mixed with some fear and some sadness if she had to go back into a cast. I held her arms up so the cast tech could cut off the cast. Lainee hates being held down. She screamed majority of the removal.

Then.. I didn't know how to diaper our pick up my child. Haha. I was scared. Scared of pushing her hip back out of place. I had gotten so used to picking her up by supporting the cast, that lifting het up under her armpits didn't seen feasible. I got her up and supported her left leg so it didn't flop around. Which was prefect.

After almost 4 months (the next day would have been it) of not seeing my baby girl's legs, I was beside myself! She had no sores just dry skin. I was relieved! We cuddled waiting for the second xray. It was so nice to hold her close again.

After the second xray and much of Lainee's screaming because she didn't want to be put down.. We left with a prescription for the brace and another appointment in 3 weeks.

Over to the brace we went, just to find it closed. I was crushed. A guy came up that worked there and said the one that fits the fitting wouldn't be back until 230-3. And I had to be back to town and at work at 330. So after calling my boss, and getting lunch. We went back to the brace place. We got a size small rhino brace. It was hard to put on the first couple of changes but now, almost a week later I'm good to go! Changing her is still a learning process since I'm so used to lifting legs to change diapers. Changing a poopy diaper is the most frustrating part. I can't exactly roll her easily now and I can't lift from the small of her back/butt area lol. Right now the brace can come off for diapering and baths. No allotted time, just long enough to change her or bathe her.

She tries to roll over when the brace is off. It's just her left leg isn't moving much yet. Now it's a while different set of worries.

My beautiful girl

We close in on month 4 in a cast. How crazy right? In 6 days we go for a check. Probably an xray. And lots has happened in the past month.

About 3 weeks ago we got pip's ears pierced! She did amazing! Didn't cry on the first ear and only cried for about 2 minutes on the second! I was so proud. But I'm also worried. Because she might need another mri or the cast might come off before 12 weeks. I guess we'll hit those bumps when they come.

Pip turned 10 months old on monday! Crazy. To me she feels 8 months. But that might be because I didn't get to see her for almost two months.

Annnnd, I started back to work on Tuesday. I go in an hour after the hubs gets out. Which makes finding a babysitter easy. And I only work 3 hours. Downsides? I close - out at 6, which means hubby has to cook and it's a late dinner. It'll be small paychecks.. but that's ok. I have to wear a uniform again.. wouldn't it be awesome to work in your pjs outside of the home? Upsides? I get a 4 hour break from my house. I still deal with kids - too many, not two. I socialize with other adults! Annnnd I'm getting paper (haha).

Overall, I'm tired. But it's a slight welcome tired.

Broken, but not showing it!

Lainee got a second cast put on Thursday. It went a lot smoother than I anticipated. She went back early. They got the iv in her hand on the first try! She got a bath! Annnnd another cast. Dr said the arthrogram went better than he anticipated. Her hip does not want to pop in and out of place, but the socket is still too shallow. But the cartilage around the bone is formed nicely and it's looking promising. Which meant he could cast her differently.

My little zombie baby. It looks like she's dragging her left leg. Or dancing. We'll go with zombie baby. But the cast is bigger in the waist - I can fit to my wrist down the front. And bigger in the feet. Probably because he knows if she has to spend 12 weeks straight in this one I'd knock him out with small feet openings. My baby isn't going to have purple feet this time.

The best part? She fits in her car seat! - the one made for all this. AND her high chair! I was so elated. That means probably no spica table. She goes back in 4 weeks for an x ray and to talk to him.

Doomsday

Went in to today's appointment thinking it was going to go well. When they took us to a room instead of the cast room my heart sank. I knew the cast wasn't coming off today. Knew it. And I started getting angry. My baby girl's feet are turning purple every time she is up right. My mommy gut clawed the drs eyes out multiple times during our talk.

Her hip socket is still too shallow. So she needs a second cast. Fine. Ok. In two weeks.. The wheels came screeching to a stop. I wanted to scream at this dr. I said no multiple times. I stressed that her feet are starting to scare me.. he left to leave the scheduler to come in.

I cried. Not because a second cast is going on. Kinda because my daughter very well may be celebrating her 1st birthday in a stupid cast.  And kinda because my baby will probably roll over for the first time after her 1st birthday.  Heartbreaking. I was mostly crying because I couldn't see her feet purple for another two freaking weeks.

In comes the scheduler. She said we have two options. One - a squeeze in on Thursday. I, again, came to a halt. I asked what time then immediately said yes no matter the time. So 730 on Thursday morning we check in. They'll put her under and remove the cast. Then inject her hip with dye, manipulate it around a bit, then recast. Although the P.A. said there is a small chance after the dye and manipulating they might choose a brace. My hopes aren't there. I'm ok with a second cast. I wasn't ok waiting 2 weeks to get it.

So. I also asked what happens if this next cast doesn't help either. That's when they go in and cut a part of her hip and form the socket. So, a third cast and pins. Lovely. :/

Ready for Thursday to be done and over.  Ready for the cast to be behind us.  Ready for my daughter to walk, crawl, scoot, hell just sit up or roll over.

I believe a spica table is in our near future as well.

9 months.

Pip turned 9 months old two days ago. 9 months. It's hard to believe 9 months ago today I was fighting for my life and my baby girl was getting hers established. I think.. I think that her coming early was just the beginning. In her little lifetime so far she has had nothing but downfalls.  Being premature. Having a dislocated hip. Not being able to roll over, sit up or even crawl. But I also think that we need to learn from her. She doesn't let the cast hold her back. She giggles and "jumps" in it. She loves. Loves her brother, loves her daddy, the pups.. and me. Unconditionally. The way she watches her brother makes my eyes water every single time. The way her eyes light up and she wiggles in her cast happily when I walk up to her bed. I love it. I feel like it's hard with her.. to bond. She can't exactly be held to eat a bottle. Hell, holding her in general is hard. Awkward. We can't really snuggle. I try. Trust me. She moves from bed to bean bag chair to someone's legs, sometimes the floor, sometimes the car. . Back to bed. She doesn't seem at all bothered. Well, in a sense. She is bothered sometimes and gets fussy. But we have a great routine down now. Wake at 6/7, up til 8/9, nap from 8/9-10/11, lunch, nap from 12/1230-2/3, up til 4/5, nap from 430/5-6/630, dinner and up til 8, bed 8/830.. She wakes up sometimes twice a night.. now that she has that Amber teething necklace she eats and goes back to sleep.

I'm so ready for this MRI on Wednesday. So ready for the news to be a brace, not another spica. Maybe I'm getting my hopes up to high. Maybe I should prepare for a second spica. But I'm ready to start moving on. I'm ready for my baby girl to move after her big brother. I'm ready to cuddle her when she needs it, rather than try to hold her against me awkwardly. I don't want her to spend 12 more weeks thinking this is it. This is get life now. Because she doesn't know anything different. She'll be one in less than 3 months. She should be moving around after Alek. She should be able to sit up and play on her own. She should be up in the high chair at dinner with the family. Not looking up at us from the bean bag chair. Or on my leg.

So, here's to wishing for excellent news. News that puts spica days behind us.