Better than nothing..

So we've gone from crawling to walking while holding onto furniture. Amazingly... Scary. I'm still giving her the hydrocodone at bedtime, to help her relax from the day's events. But during the day I'll only give her Tylenol at nap unless she's particularly fussing over her leg.

It looks like it's healing quite nicely. Scabbing in most areas, but like it should. Her stitches, one end dissolved(we're going with that, I don't know if she pulled it out), the other.. probably got yanked. Hopefully just the tip and not the whole thing, but that part of her incision has been leaking(for lack of a better word) today. Not enough to make me alarmed but still enough to notice.

Carrying her is strange. If you hold her leg it feels like things are shifting around in there.. I hate it. Part of me(the part that should be beat with a stick) keeps thinking it's her bone. Hubs reassures me that it's probably her muscle moving against the plate and screws (which is so comforting, right?).. I'm sure if it were her bone she'd be in a great deal of pain. But she has dealt with pain thus far rather nicely.

Tuesday we'll be going in for an appointment. Probably an Xray. I'm hoping to snag a pic of it. I'm curious to see what her leg looks like now. Looking back, over the years - especially before my children, I never thought I'd face things like this. But I suppose that's human nature, right? Everything will be perfect until it's not. It won't happen to me.

Lots. Lots has happened to me in the past 5 years. Lots has happened to Pip in just two years. It's crazy. I know no one asks for things to happen, and I know it could be a lot worse. Alek could of had a serious heart problem. I could have died. Pip could face many years of surgeries. We often forget that we need to slow down and enjoy the little ifs, whens, and coulds. I'm guilty of not living in the now. I'm constantly thinking of the future and dwelling on the past. 

For if we dwell in the past when we should be present now, we can't enjoy our future, now could we?

Touché Tuesday

So, when you think everything's going great.. And then you hit that wall. That proverbial wall. Pip was up all hours last night screaming.

Like, screaming. I couldn't calm her down. I had to give her Tylenol. This whole week she'd been going to bed with one dose of the hydrocodone and nothing until the next day!

To make matters worse, the absolute horrible tights ran through my head. Did a screw pop out? Did the plate shift? I was quite close to piling her into the car and driving to the ER. But I removed her bandages and she calmed for the most part. And today she's acting normal again.

Also, Alek woke up in the middle of the night crying about his legs. That was another trip down the hallway and I'm afraid to say it.. we're out of Tylenol. He can take ibuprofen, Pip can't. Doctors orders.

Our routine is getting back to normal. We took Alek to school and went shopping then went back to get him. She sat in a chair while I cleaned the house today. Let's just hope our night will be like before and not like last night.

One week out.

A week down. Has it really been a week? Wow. Saturday we finally took Pip out of the house. Dropping both kiddos off at the in laws so we could go have a nice Valentine's day date. Originally we were going to drop Pip off in a cast. But, oh yeah, she doesn't have one!

Dinner and Deadpool was amazing, as was sleeping until nearly 9 am. Finally we went to get the kids and tried to go furniture shopping. But nothing was open so we saved that for today.

Pip did great moving around a bunch. She also, has been moving some on her own. Thursday night she rolled off the bean bag chair and got up onto her knees so daddy could pick her up. Yesterday she got off the bean bag chair and crawled over to me while I was on the couch. And today.. well. She crawled from her bed all the way to the front door.

But I've also had to change her bandages quite a few times in the past week. Highly annoying. The tape keeps getting stuck to get clothes and pulling up. Hoping to make it until her Dr appointment.

I'm sure she'll be walking real soon. She's amazing.

What's this? Day 3 post surgery.

Surgery took 3 hours on Monday. On the way back to her recovery room hubs and I seriously were betting on if she'd be in a cast or not.

Spoiler: no cast! What!? How in the world am I going to pick up my child that doesn't have a cast? I was banking on a cast.. a cast would've made this a bit easier. We know casts.

Got to her room and the nurses immediately wanted to get her up and me to hold her. I immediately regretted it. She cried the whole time until she was in my arms. I cried, too. I told them I didn't want to hold her again until tubes were removed.

I also got her to eat some pudding and drink some Apple juice. Yeah, so, thirty minutes later it all came back up. Kinda scary since she was on her back but luckily I was there. We got her cleaned up between me and the nurses.

Monday night I took Lainee duty. I slept in the chair for a bit, then on the couch. Antibiotics at midnight caused the alarm to go off at one. We were both up until two, then back up at six thirty. Starting day two was hopeful.

She watched her tab for a bit off and on throughout the day. So glad we bought it for her.

Anytime the nurse did something or we did something, she did this. Faked sleep to hopefully have us go away. Even while she was trying to eat.. drama.

The only person she was wanting to talk to was the PA. She kept wanting to show her what was on her tab. She told us that, after consulting with the doctor, some of the tubes could come out. Pip was quite pleased. The doctor stopped by to check on her finally around 6, he said everything was pointing to leaving as planned.

The hubs had that night's Lainee duty, while I went back to the Ronald McDonald house and showered and slept in a comfy bed. I got my wake up call around right 8 and he said that we're looking at discharging soon, the PA was already by.

I cleaned up our room and made my way to the hospital. About an hour later we were leaving. Lainee barely fussed when I put her pjs on (I was prepared for a cast, so all I brought was a dress and two shirts depending on temperature). And wanted daddy to get her up. Which was great. The car ride home she did great, too. Minimal fussing.

I think Pip really needed to be home. She's much more relaxed and sleeping a hell of a lot better. Figuring out where to put her though is a bit tough. We're resulting to the bean bag chair for right now. And she sat in the high chair with no problems. She's even back to sleeping on her left side.. The pressure must feel good? The swelling will hopefully go away soon, and she'll be more inclined to its moving her. She's even "helping" me change her diaper by pushing up enough on her right leg so I can push the diaper under her. She used to lift with both, so this is a big help.

Looking forward to her pain going away and her to be up again. It'll be a bit before that happens, but it'll choke soon enough. And like hubs said, there no cast.. I can go on with potty training when she's walking again. 

The day we dreaded..

This morning started with me falling asleep.. just to wake back up at 2 hours later then again 6 minutes before the alarm went off. Pip fussed most of the morning, groggy and not knowing what was going on. Got to the check in, got to the pre-op waiting room with still an hour and a half to wait.

They gave her some versed about a half hour before they were going to take her. Hubs and I got a few giggles out of that. She'd just sit there with her mouth open, staring at us or messing with my hair. She was relaxed at least. Finally time came and the nurse gave her her phone to watch Mickey mouse on as she rolled her away.

About a half hour ago, they called to say they had started surgery and she was doing fine. When we got to the waiting room, I started crying.. some lady got up from her chair and brought me tissues, shows there's still good out here.

Now, we wait. I'm really not looking forward to seeing her in a few hours. 

Stop the countdown please!

 

A little over twenty four hours and Pip will be going in for surgery again. I honestly have been feeling much less anxious than last time. I'm sure that will be a different story Monday morning. 

I had a follow up with my pulmonologist yesterday. The one that was in my SICU room when Pip was delivered. I didn't see him last appointment because he had moved offices, bit I decided to go to him this time and take him the little girl he helped save. I got teary eyed in the beginning. And we talked about how I'm doing. I still get short of breath when I talk too much or over exert myself. He wants to see me back in a year and have an X-ray done. That seems fair. Apparently, one doesn't fully recover from ARDS.. and I'm pretty well off from having it two years ago. He also checked on my chest tube sites and said they look great. The only issue I brought up was my trach scar. But he suggested plastic surgery or lasering it off.. no thanks.

I'm tired of the word. Surgery. It makes me feel like something bad will happen. I know there are possibilities, but I'd like to not think of that stuff, y'know? But being the pessimist I am.. I can never escape it.

Tomorrow hubs will go to work and I'll do some housework. Hoping Pip will let me sleep in. Brother went to pop's a day early, so I can focus on stuff. We'll see them and him Monday after surgery. Ugh. There's that word again. I'm starting to mentally cringe each time. After the hubs gets off work we'll pack up the car and head to the RMH. We'll probably be taking turns staying there Monday and Tuesday night. One of us will undoubtedly stay with Pip. I'm not looking forward to the drugged out of her mind two year old. Last time it was really pitiful to watch, and she was only six months old!

Wish us luck. Next post will be surgery day.

When will it become easier?

We're looking a 6 more days until surgery.. and the nausea has started. I can't stop thinking about it. I mean how can you cope with the knowledge that someone is going to cut your child's bone in half? How do you get past this? How do you sit there and go "oh, it'll be okay."? I'm ready for it to be done and over.

But it might get postponed. Pip has a cough still and has been running on and off fevers. She'll go to the doctor tomorrow in hopes they'll give us something to nip the cough in the butt before Monday morning. Meaning she can only take medicine from tomorrow to Sunday night. That's not a lot of time...

When will all this become easier?