I do it, mommy.

Tomorrow morning we'll wake up and make a big fuss. My baby will be 3 tomorrow. It's extremely hard to fathom, that 3 years have passed. My 3.3 lb baby is now 28 lbs. She's gone from 15-16? Inches (not 100% on this one unless dig out the papers) to 37 inches. She's been through SO, so much in her 3 years of life - fighting for her life early on, three hip surgeries, two casts, losing a tooth early😣. And nothing has kept her down. "I do it, mommy, I do it." And she always will. She is my baby girl and my last baby forever. One third of my heart, one reason I fought like hell to remain here 3 years ago.

She's always been that independent girl from the start. Once she figured out she could do it, we had a hard time stopping her! I'm sure her stay in NICU was similar. I remember the nurses and the hubs telling me she'd pull out her feeding tube all the time. I'm sure others did as well, but my girl's stubborn. Just like get momma (and daddy😊).

This child potty trained herself in a matter of days, got rid of her pacifier(with slight help) completely in a few days.. I'm sure she'll be teaching herself how to ride a bike soon enough! She's passionate about animals, loves her big brother, mommy and daddy, and ask her grandparents. She has a creative mind, and loves to use it. I'm amazed watching her, and her brother grow into people. Good people.

Not really a Hip post, but a PSA.. It's Flu season, again..

It deals with Pip, but it's mostly about myself. It's how Pip came into this world, the reason, the consequences, the whole shebang. It does have photos. They are slightly disturbing, in some cases. Read at your own risk. But, this is what can happen if you don't get a flu shot while pregnant. Not saying it will but it may. After all, I was one of those "it won't happen to me" people.

The last photo I took before getting sick: Halloween night, 2013.

When I got pregnant with Lainee, I was constantly sick. Morning sickness, sinus infections, but nothing I couldn't handle. At 28 weeks pregnant, around the week of November 12, 2013, I developed what we thought was another sinus infection. It started a cough, then a runny nose. A few days later I was at the point that I couldn't eat, and walking around hurt. I called into work Monday November 17th, and I also called my OB. She prescribed me a ZPak over the phone. On November 18 I had a routine ultrasound in Pensacola with Dr. Thorpe, they took my vitals and before I knew it I was in triage. They ran a test for the flu, it came back negative. And because my breathing was very labored, and my chest hurt they believed I had viral pneumonia. After what it seemed was hours, I was being admitted to the hospital. Over the next several days my breathing condition worsened. I was tested again for so many things among them the flu, a blood clot in my lungs, pneumonia, and preeclampsia. I was moved from triage to the ob floor to ICU and finally to SICU.. I went from breathing on my own to a cannula to a bipap in 4 days.

Our son Alek(2.5years), in the waiting room when I got admitted.

Around day 2 in the hospital and the hubs being goofy before things got serious.

Here is where I've been told the rest of my story. Although, I only really remember being checked into the hospital on the 18th. I don't remember seeing my parents, in laws or my son that night, either. I remember being admitted and then going to sleep that night..

Lainee(Pip): 3lbs 3.5oz 11/22/13

On Nov. 22nd, the doctors had a meeting with my husband and he was told I needed to be put on a respirator and if everything went well the pregnancy could continue. He told me he came into my room to tell me. And I was scared, but I knew that if I couldn't breathe, our baby girl couldn't breathe. He told me what the doctors were going to do and then he and my mother in law went to the waiting room.

Unfortunately my heart didn't take everything and our baby girl, Lainee, was born by emergency c-section in my SICU room. She weighted 3 lbs. 3 ½ oz. and was just 29 weeks and 2 days gestation. The hospital put her in isolation for 48 hours, the family could only see her through a glass window.

My family spent Thanksgiving in the hospital cafeteria below me and Lainee. 

The doctors had another meeting with my husband in my room, when 5 doctors show up and they have pictures of your little girl, he just knew the news was not good. I had tested positive for H1N1. I refused to get the flu shot, this pregnancy. I had a 20% chance of survival. The next few days would be critical. Instead of us being home with our 2 yr. old son and preparing for Thanksgiving, he was looking at possibly planning my funeral. Jared had to be daddy and mommy for the next several weeks. Luckily, he had his mom and our sister in law to help him along the road ahead.

I was put into a medically induced coma to let my body rest and heal. Along with the respirator I had 3 chest tubes placed. As I was healing Lainee was growing steadily in the NICU unit. She never really had any problems except being slow to take a bottle.

Christmas 2013, Two days after I woke up.

On Dec. 18th, I had a trach placement in order to help wean me off the respirator and my medications were slowly rolled back to wake me up. I was finally fully awake by Christmas Day. Getting to spend it seeing my son was amazing. January 1st, I was able to move from ICU to PCU, I was no longer on the downhill. On January 2nd they wheeled Lainee up to my PCU room. I couldn't talk to her, I couldn't touch her. I couldn't hold her. I just sat there staring at her in her isolette. She was almost 36weeks gestation, and already a month and a half old. I worked so hard during my physical therapy times so I could finally get down to the NICU to see her and hold her. Which happened on January 8th. After physical therapy every day and my trach being downsized and finally removed within a week, I was sent to rehab January 16th. I was discharged from rehab 5 days later on account I wanted to go see my daughter every day and the insurance didn't like that. I still went every few days to continue rehab as an outpatient. 

January 2nd, 2014 when I finally got to see Lainee for the first time. Big brother got to finally see her, too.

January 8th, 2014 - I finally got to hold her.

Lainee went from not taking a bottle to taking 8 bottles/a day in 2 weeks. She just needed her momma there. She was able to go home one day before her due date, February 4th 2014. Then life was normal.. As normal as it can be with a preemie who was already 2 and a half months old and a 2 and a half year old. Aleksander doted on his little sister from day one.

Home free. 02/04/14

Looking back, I wish I had gotten my flu shot. I didn't get one with my son and carried over the same season.. Never getting sick. I'm afraid of needles. That was my reasoning. That was why I put my daughter's life and my own life in jeopardy. If I could go back, I'd be getting the shot as early as I could. This year, my family will be getting theirs.


Don't risk it. Don't think it won't happen to you. Don't think you're not hurting anybody but yourself. You might save your life. Or better yet, you might save someone else's.

And done..

Today started out with me going to sleep. I always have difficulty sleeping the night before Pip's surgeries. Who wouldn't? I finally went to sleep after midnight, just to be woken up by Pip at 230 am. Was she anxious? Or restless? Who knows. She went back to sleep fairly quickly and I went back as well. 415 the alarm went off. The hubs and I got up and ready, then woke her up by 430. By 445 we were in the car and heading to Pensacola.

Check-in went fairly quickly, and as always she went above and beyond to make Pip a "princess bracelet" and let Kitty have one, too. We got to Pre-op holding and I saw one of my old PICU nurses. She must've spread the word, because a few minutes later the nurse I begged to stay with me during Pip's delivery was walking into the room. I got seriously teary eyed, it's crazy. We had to retell our story to the anesthesiologist. And we waited. And waited. Like always, everyone was waiting on Dr. Ferris, and like always he's last to show. Which is fine by me. As long as he does what he does great and no complications, let him be last to see us.

They gave her versed again, but this time we didn't have a lot of time before they came back to get her. She went with the nurse instead in the crib, and by the time we followed the nurse with the crib she was already gone through the doors to the OR. We went to the waiting room to wait for the call that they got started, then headed down to grab breakfast. 

Another hour and a half later, they called to take us back to her in recovery. Once there the nurse said she had our discharge paperwork. Wait.. Discharge? As in, go home with a new operated on child? Uhh... So Dr. Ferris came by and we talked. Bone looks great, when he did the arthrogram the hip socket looks to be forming great still. I was relieved. He also must know us pretty well, because he said the hardware was being cleaned up so we could have it. 

Discharged before noon, and not really a word about her leg. She was more worried about her IV "boo-boo" like usual. We left Pensacola and came back to Crestview, stopping at Wal-Mart  to put in her script and wait for it. We took turns carrying her around the store, where she asked for cookies, to walk, and to go potty. She only got the cookie request fulfilled. Way too soon to try to let her walk, and I was unsure about the pottying there, if she asks again while we're home we'll try it.

We came home and ate, then took a 3 hour nap - getting up at 6pm. Pip's in her bean bag chair now, playing with legos. I had to give her a dose of her heavy meds because I don't think Tylenol will be cutting it right now. She'll be bouncing back in no time. Just gotta keep the dressing on her leg on for 5 days, so we'll be living in our footed pjs until then. He'll see her back in two weeks for an Xray.

It's only uphill from here, UP.

The hardware. :)

Seriously silly.

Today we had Pip's pre-op appointment. It went smoothly, they were shocked when we told them about her tooth.

We got our time, and when to check in. 6am check in, 8am surgery. We should only be staying Thursday night, so that should be easy. No food or drink after midnight but they changed the clear fluids rule: she can have clear fluids up to two hours prior.. interesting.

I think we're opting to drive from home Thursday morning and just sleep in the hospital room Thursday night with her. We usually stay at the Ronald McDonald House, and I put in a request, but the hubs said it will be cheaper and less tasking on Friday.

This way the only day I'm missing for work is Thursday. So that's a positive. And we only need someone to look after the dogs Thursday and Friday until we get home. Another positive.

I'm still getting nervous as each day comes to a close. But I keep reminding myself it's a shorter procedure and an easier one than cutting her femur and placing it was.

The nurse also called today. She asked why it's coming out so soon.. well let's see, her bone is completely healed.. and she's getting too tall for it. It's crazy to think in only 6 months she's too tall for it, and her bone is completely healed.

Wish us luck, and hope she's up and moving quickly again. Next update will be after surgery!

There's always tomorrow..

Today was.. today. It started out okay. Pip has decided to start self potty training herself last week. What kid does that? Couple of weeks ago she half went poop at babchi's house. Then over the holiday weekend while we were in Georgia, visiting my brother and sister in law, she decided she wanted to potty at a restaurant. Thinking she wouldn't go, I humored her and took her to the potty.

She went. Then she went poop at their house a day later! Once back home she's been going, so I decided to upgrade to underwear. Only three accidents since starting that. Go Pip!

Back to today.. we took a walk down main St and then went to the park to walk there as well. Well, on main St she was in the stroller at the park I thought she could walk with us since it wasn't going to be long. We also had cups of water, which on the way back to the car I let her carry them.

Mistakes happen. I get that. I really do. But it doesn't make you feel any less horrible. It doesn't fix what happened. It doesn't make you feel any less adequate as a parent. Pip fell while walking and carrying the cups. And at first I thought she was okay. I helped her up and then I saw it. Blood. Bubbling at her bottom lip. So I scooped her up, left the cups and started toward the car when the hubs and boy were.

Half way there we were both covered in her blood. So I yelled for him to get the wipes. I half jogged up the hill to meet him at the bench. Sat her down and started wiping her mouth to find the source. Hubs said it was the corner of her lip, and the bleeding stopped so the mommy freak out mode calmed.

Until I got her into her seat and saw it. There staring back at me, showing my failure as a parent, was a gnarly blackish hole where her perfect little canine tooth should be still growing in. I got weak and sick to my stomach. This was no cut on the lip. She was literally missing a tooth that hasn't even grown in all the way yet. So now not only does my daughter had a bad hip, her mouth is all banged up too.

We went home to try to get her to a dentist. I called her pediatrician, they transferred me to their dentist. Who isn't accepting new patients until next month, so they gave me a number. Who doesn't see younger patients anymore, so they told me to call our insurance. Who gave me a number to get our list, which the closest one is 40 minutes away. I'm okay with that drive, as her orthopedic is there too. But they said that there was one in town that should take us, so I googled the place and called. Which, funny story, was the SAME PLACE I called first. I was mad. They suggested to take her to the ER so we did. Just to get antibiotics and to answer a couple of my questions, but I'm okay with that.

Pip? She's acting normal. Didn't need any pain meds. I think I'm more worked up about her baby tooth than she is. Tomorrow is another day. 15 days until surgery.

Rollercoasters

In the two groups that I'm part of on facebook for hip dysplasia, I see new moms almost daily. I was that new mom. Before finding out what was wrong with Pip, I never knew about hip dysplasia. I didn't think I had to worry about it. Then, it did happen. And I was that scared new mom seeking answers. Wanting to know. I still am that scared mom. I shared Pip's and our story once again this morning to a new mom. Ours was a late diagnosis, but not as late as some. It was too late, or maybe it was too severe, for the pavlik harness. Our only option at first was surgery and a cast. And I remember thinking that would be the only one. Hoping that would be the only treatment she needed. Then devastated when it wasn't. Then even heartbroken when we found out the brace did nothing to help and she needed another surgery.

Now, now we sit here and hope again that once this plate is removed, that's it. It'll be done.

To that new mom expierencing this for the first time.. Breathe. It's just a rollercoaster.

Some babies need minimal treatments, some need more extensive. It's a rollercoaster of a ride and you really are going into it blind. But, like most rollercoasters, the scary parts tend to be over quickly.. but may sneak back up on you later on in the ride.

Good luck mama, stay strong. Our hipsters are just that. Strong.

This chapter might be just about over...

Yesterday we went and saw the doctor to set up the appointment to get Pip's plate taken out. I had a car full of people - pop, babchi and Alek decided to tag along. When we finally got back to the room (30 minutes late), we waited for them to come get us for X-rays.

Pip wasn't too happy about "getting her picture taken". She fought me and the tech. But after the first one was taken she relaxed and stopped fighting. We looked at the X-ray on our way back to the room.. to me, everything still looked normal!

Once back to the room we maybe waited another ten or so minutes until Dr. Ferris came in. He had her walk/run down the back hallway and then it came to discussing removal. I don't know if he was being funny or thought I thought he could do it in office (I know it required another surgery) but he told me it'd be done in a few weeks, nothing later. He also said that she's outgrowing the plate. That's a scary yet reassuring thought. My once 3lb 3oz little girl isn't so little anymore. 

He left and the scheduler came in. We went over dates and I opted for the earliest - July 28th. Giving her plenty of time to be moveable more easily when her older brother starts kindergarten a few weeks later. Her pre-op is the 25th. I left the appointment feeling quite confident that this will be her last surgery.

Other than that, lil man had his vpk graduation earlier this month, and I'm trying to wrap my head around our new adventure: school age years. It makes me quite sad, also to think in a few years Lainee will be following suit. We have a busy July coming up. But probably not busy enough to distract me from the upcoming surgery.

I know it'll go easier - hey, he's not cutting bone this time! And it'll probably be her quickest surgery to date. But she'll still be under, she will still be in pain. He assures me that she'll be up faster this time though. And I'm fairly certain she will be too. She bounces back rather quickly.